Jurassic World II

This movie STINKS. The more I think about it, the worse it gets. The OG Jurassic Park is a perfect movie to me. It is fun, asks some deep questions, has amazing characters, and shows you something completely new. Jurassic World II (or Jurassic Park 5) takes all of the worst parts of the franchise that has come after the original and throws it up on screen with no respect for audiences or fans.

After the massacre that was Jurassic World the island has been abandoned. It is discovered that the Island the park has been built on has a volcano that is going to erupt. Without humans stepping in this would be the end of Jurassic Park and the second extinction for Dinosaurs. After a debate the government decides that these Dinosaurs are too dangerous to save and are better off going extinct once again. Not everyone feels this way, and there is a 3rd party that sees the profits that could be gained and decides to rescue the Dinosaurs to sell them off to the highest bidder.

This plot is basic and not horrible in summary, but it is the execution that is really dumb. The movie takes too many convenient liberties and takes all of the fun and joy of watching a Jurassic Park film out. Say what you will about the first Jurassic World, but there was something amazing about seeing John Hammond’s idea come to life with a functioning theme park. The first movie even posed a question about our short attention spans and explored what would happen when people got sick of Jurassic Park because it was “Just Dinosaurs”. This movie has none of that, no deeper meaning, no through line, and just empty action linked together by an idiotic and hard to follow plot line. We have another hybrid Dinosaur who of course is more deadly than the last (but gets killed much faster and overall caused less issues) and Dinosaurs who are running around causing issues for people in a confined space.

This movie is just lazy. Anyone with half a brain would never make another genetic hybrid, they wouldn’t bring the dinosaurs into their mansion so they could sell them, and no one would open the cage to any of them in case they could escape. The original Jurassic Park was caused by 3 or 4 events converging into a single moment that broke the park and gave the dinosaurs a way out. Every movie since then has had some idiot who lets them out of their cage because they are too dumb to figure that out.

(While we are talking about it. Why have doors at all? Why not put their egg in a closed cage and drop everything in from overhead?)

Do yourself a favor, SKIP THIS MOVIE, spend 5.99 or whatever it is to rent the original Jurassic Park on itunes and try to forget that all Hollywood does now a days is try to suck every dollar out of franchises until there is no one who gives a shit about them. I am looking at you Star Wars.

Buff Brothers Score: 1 out of 5